Hangin' On Hope

     There are so many things I hope for and I have hope for so many things. 

Amiga and Roni                                                             Recently I have
been fixated on my broken but repaired wrist and the hope for its continual healing.  The result of my poor judgment causing this mishap has both immediate and long term effects.  I can only hope for the best outcome on all accounts. 

Charles Swindoll wrote in his Bedside Blessings book I read:
     "Hope is a wonderful gift from God, a source of strength and courage
          in the face of life's harshest trials.
     When we are trapped in a tunnel of misery, hope points to the light
          at the end.
     When we are overworked and exhausted, hope gives us fresh energy.
     When we are discouraged, hope lifts our spirits.
     When we are tempted to quit, hope keeps us going."

                                                            Babe

     Hope is a wonderful gift from God for which I am very thankful.  Having said this, it then lead me to wonder about hope, and so I researched it.  Wikipedia has some good insight.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hope  They even go on to give references to the many uses of the word and name. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hope_%28disambiguation%29 

     Click on the picture to watch a video of this drowning calf.  It struggles to survive.  Our natural tendency to do what it takes to survive is ingrained in us.  It is a hope that God gave all of us at conception.  This hope is cultivated when we have a goal in mind, especially when our circumstances are dire.  This calf hangs on to hope.

  Norman hopes to be fed.

     Right now my hope is for a complete recovery for my right hand, wrist and arm.  This hope, based on faith, is the anticipation of a favorable outcome through God's healing power.  But hope, like prayer, can't just be a passing thought or spoken plea.  In order for God to work to answer prayer  or give us what we hope for, we need to take action.  He can work through us, and through the help or advice we seek, to answer our prayers.  Like the joke I tell about the guy sitting on his couch day after day, praying to win the lottery... after this goes on for quite some time, God finally yells down from Heaven, "Buy a ticket".
I know complete healing will take time and patience (which I also pray for).  It is important that I follow the Dr's orders and protect my wrist, not over do the lifting, but be persistent in my exercises to regain flexibility and motion. 

Kaysha always waits and hopes to go for a walk.

     My biggest obstacle has been that there is no strength and little range of motion in my wrist.  I have been doing movement exercises, but the Dr. said wait 4 weeks on the strength stuff.  I think I over did it last Friday, squeezing a ball and doing circles while I sat here at my desk with the splint off, because it was pretty swollen by the time I went to bed that night.  I have such a long ways to go to get full range of movement back.  And regaining strength is a whole other issue I can't even work on yet.  Each day my muscles get weaker... and I don't know how long it is going to take to recover that.  But the Dr. said the bone needs at least 8 weeks to heal.  I need to hang in there... with hope.

      I had been hoping to ride Roni soon, but that was squelched by the reality of my infirmity.  My wrist and arm felt stronger when the cast was on... I had asked the Dr. about riding and he said if I can ride one handed, holding the reigns with my left hand, and I felt it was safe, then it was probably okay. But he also said...

  


If I over extend by lifting or pulling with the wrist, or fall off and break his plate work, I could go else where to get it fixed, because it would be a real mess.  I think he was kidding... but he wanted me to realize it would not be good to damage it further.

Once home and I looked at my wrist and arm with the splint off, it appeared so vulnerable.  I noticed right away how weak and stiff it was.  I couldn't even pull shut a heavy door or twist open a lid to something. How was I to manage riding this beautiful horse?

     So, I knew riding would have to wait awhile.  This makes me a tad bit discouraged, but it is what it is and I need to make the best of it, and keep hoping as I work towards a full recovery.

     Joe and I had hoped to get a bunch of winterizing done over the weekend.  We did get some stuff done Saturday, but decided to wait till later to do more.  It is hard to imagine winter may soon be upon us.  We keep thinking we have more time.  But, I have seen it snow on Halloween
before.  For now I will remain optimistic (hopeful) that frozen ground and water buckets are in the distant future.
I did try raking some dirt and lime we were moving, but had little success. I'm just not much help at the moment but hope I can do more pretty soon. In this photo you can see where we piled the lime by the back barn door to keep it from getting so muddy there. 




     Our friend Sarah came with her son to take some of our logs.  They loaded them into our trailer which she towed with her jeep.  You can see her jeep in the background behind this pretty Hollyhock.


     The cows had come in for water and were quite curious as to what we were up to. They always stick their noses into everything.  Guess they are hoping to find something worth eating.

      Joe ended up working several hours both Saturday and Sunday.  With school work, work in the nursery, Church, a walk with the dog, and a visit with Marj, additional winterizing did not happen Sunday.  We did have very tasty grilled sirloin steaks from Sir Loin.  After talking with Courtney, Joe and I decided to expand the grazing pen and try putting all three horses in together.  I was hoping this new arrangement would work out... because it would be better for the horses and sure make life easier for us.  Courtney and I have been hangin' on hope for six months now, that our horses would recover from their lameness.  They have improved tremendously, but like my wrist, we do not know how fragile they are.  We are hoping this turnout will give them the opportunity to get stronger, without re-injuring themselves.

     For a short while at the end of grazing time Sunday, we put Roni and Amiga together.  We had already taken Zorro to the barn.  They were a bit agitated, but I think it was more because they wanted to go to the barn, not because they didn't want to be together.  In the photo to the left they were investigating each other, but being nice about it.

     We had gotten some rain over night, so I kept the horses separated Monday morning.  Once home from school, I moved Roni into the large grazing pen with Zorro and Amiga.  Things immediately got quite wild. 



     The tendency was for Amiga and Zorro to chase Roni around.  He ran from them but did not have a huge amount of space to distance himself.  He kicked out at them a few times.  There were some pinned ears on each horse, lots of running and some kicking.  It wasn't hugely aggressive, but worried me none the less.

     Thankfully there were no injuries and things did calm down.  But I felt like Amiga and Zorro were ganging up on Roni.

      All three horses had worked up a sweat.  Here Amiga and Zorro are getting a drink.  It seemed like Amiga was still being an instigator, so I moved her to the next door, smaller grazing pen and kept Roni and Zorro together. 

 After checking each other out and trotting around a bit, both boys soon had a good roll on the ground and then settled down to peacefully grazing next to each other. 

     Tuesday morning I put Zorro in the smaller pen by himself and put Amiga and Roni together.  She was definitely being the pushy mare, but they seemed to work it out and get along okay.  While grazing, she would put
her ears back and
eat her way towards Roni, who would then move off.  She was never mean to him, but was obviously the dominant horse. Here they can be seen watching me, hoping I will come get them and take them to the barn for their dinner time.


     I stayed an extra hour at school Tuesday to help a student, bought groceries on the way home (pushing the cart one handed) and then lugged all of it into the house.  The horses looked quite content as I came up the
                                                      drive.  Late afternoon I went to the
neighbors', a few farms down, to adopt two of her chickens.  She had six that she really needed and hoped to find a home for.  I wanted to help her out so










I brought home a Brown Breasted Red Phoenix Hen and a Golden Phoenix Rooster.  Both are very nice birds and quite lovely.

     I set up the dog crate for them with a box to nest in, a roost to perch on, a food dish and water. 

     I put the crate up on the coop roost right along with our chickens that were already settling down for the night.


     It had been extremely windy, but then died down by the time I got the new foul settled in and the cows and horses fed, so I headed out on a walk with the dog.  It was almost 70 degrees and a beautiful fall evening.

     A storm front blew through during the night and it was cold, damp and dreary all day Wednesday.  I had to be at school by 6:30 am for our bimonthly meeting.  Once home there was no hope to walk unless I wanted to get drizzled on.  So I was content to put on my PJs, brew some tea, and sit in my office and do a combination of school work, Blog post, and timely communicating via E-mail and Facebook.  Later I started up the oven to cook a pork roast and it warmed and smelled up the house with its tasty aroma, making it all the more cozier and difficult to drag myself out side.

      Later I did go out to check on and feed the new comers and help Joe with chores. 









The hen's name is Tiny and the rooster is Steve.  I may change his name.  It is nice that they are so tame and can be easily handled. 





   












     The free range chickens (and Hercules) always follow me into the barn when they see me headed that direction.  And I usually give them a scoop of oats and cracked corn mix.  They do this not so much because of a hope for food, but because they know they have me trained.

     Being outside, moving about with chores, wasn't really all that bad.  But coming in from outside, made the warmth and smell of dinner all the more luscious.

     Thursday morning it was sprinkling, cold and dreary, but by the time I left for school, the sun was out.  Amiga and Roni have been doing well together, so when I got home I removed the dividing fence keeping Zorro on the other side of the pen.  There was no running or crazy behavior.  The horses basically switched sides, hoping for greener grass on the other side.  Later while watching, I saw Zorro try to nip Roni in the butt.  Roni swished his tail, and scooted out of Zorro's reach.  I guess the three are working it out.

     I took this video while sitting out front on the sidewalk in the warm sun.  It isn't great, but I love the ducks.  Brother comes over and if you listen closely, you can hear him purring. 

     There was a low lying fog early this morning, and the ground was frosty.  In the photo to the left, you can see the tops of the trees in the distance as the sun was burning off the fog.  We put all three horses together from the start this morning.  They seem to continue to be working things out. 

     It was a beautiful sunny day so I went out and enjoyed playing with the barn cats and soaking up some sunshine.  Late in the afternoon I took Roni to Marj's for a lesson. We wanted to see where he was at after four weeks off and to see if he had any residual fears after the scary episode at the park.  He has regressed some in his training, but actually did quite well.  Marj rode him since I can't use both hands on the reins.  He was a little concerned about the leg going up and over his rump, but stood still for mounting and dismounting.  It was a relief to see him do so well. 

    I just love this little video clip and the message it gives.  Click on the picture to watch this cute little dachshund.  In spite of adversity, hope and determination help to get him "back on his feet".  It gives me courage and encouragement to keep working this wrist.  The hope of complete healing helps me to keep going.
.

The Simple Things

Fall leaves among the flowers.
      I have missed being able to do the simple things like zip up my coat, unscrew a lid, turn a door knob while holding something in my left hand, etc.  I could go on and on with all the feelings of handicapness I have had while my right wrist has been immobilized in a cast.  The heavy weight bearing tasks have also been impossible.  No pouring water into stall buckets, lifting and moving bales of hay, or pouring feed from bags into bins.  I have not been able to operate anything with a handle (rake, shovel, pitch fork, broom, or tractor, etc.) because I can't get any leverage with one hand.  And precision, accuracy, and fine motor movements have been non existent.  Try grading papers, trimming a hang nail, pulling out a splinter, and plucking an unwanted facial hair with your non-writing hand.
                                   A stroll through the leaves with a good friend.

     I am getting better with my left hand, but everything takes so much longer.... buttoning my shirt, combing my hair, putting in a pony tail or jaw clip, and tying my shoes.  I have given up on some tasks like changing ear rings, flossing my teeth, and chopping up carrots.  The horses are getting little attention... no grooming, hoof picking, ground work or riding by me.  Thankfully Courtney has come out a few times to take care of those basic needs.  Betty and Hercules in the picture above can usually be found together, and often it is following me around.  As simple as it may be, I always enjoy their company and antics.

   Feeding clover to Roni.

 












          The days this past week passed without fanfare... or accident, injury, or other problems.  A couple of days I looked out at the beautiful weather and thought how great it would be to go for a ride.  And then wondered when I would be able to get back in the saddle again.  I worry about how Roni is going to respond when I next hop back on him... since his last riding experience was so scary for him.  I plan to start back with a lot of ground work to begin with.

A salute to Old Glory

      There is not much to report on this week, but these were the highlights:
     Uncle John and Aunt Miriam came down from Chicago for about a four hour visit Saturday.  We had a great time seeing and talking with them.  They toured the farm, chatted over coffee, and took us out for a wonderful late lunch.  Courtney and Mike joined us as well.  I had a fantastic salad... something I miss because slicing and dicing have been very difficult to do with one left hand.

                                Looking at the amber waves of grain (corn).

     The dip in the corn in this picture is where the water way runs through our neighbors field, then goes under U.S. 150 and into our side pasture. 
     When I got home from school Monday, the house felt freezing.  It was 61 degrees inside, but with the lack of sun and the cold gloomy feeling, I just ached to the bone, especially my broken ones.  But I was able to sweet talk Joe into turning on the furnace.  He wasn't feeling so well himself, so thought it would help.  Aww... the simple things that bring pleasure, a warm house and a nice nap.

Napping with my warm snugly kitty.

     On Tuesday it was cold, rainy and gloomy, and I was glad that I didn't feel like I had to get out and work with Roni and Amiga.  It is nice to have an excuse to stay put in the warm, dry house. I did bring in all my potted plants because it was predicted to get down into the 30's over night.

                                            Pigeons in a row.

     The wood pigeons have been flocking in preparation for migration.  They like to congregate atop the corn crib roof.  While the Christmas star waits from last year to be lit again, it hangs as a reminder of a winter to come.   


     Wednesday was a miserable day weather wise.  It had rained much of the night and was still coming down along with being quite windy in the morning.  Joe and I decided to put Roni in the paddock with the cows and Amiga and Zorro in a little pen attached to the south stall.  Immediately Roni started racing around, sliding to a halt when needed.  Amiga and Zorro were running in and out of the barn stall.  The cows ran away and tried to stay clear of Roni.  Everybody was revved up and once they got started, it was impossible to stop.  After several minutes though, they did all settled down, and tend to more important business... eating.  By mid-afternoon the
                                                                                   wind was up to
Recliner, blanket, kitty, hot tea and fire.                    32 mph with the 

rain blowing sideways as it came down.  Joe put the horses in each of their stalls, gave them water and hay, and shut the barn doors most of the way.  It was another day for me to stay put in the comfort of the house.  In the evening I watched Survivor with Joe, sitting in front of the fire with my hot tea and kitty.  
     Thursday I got my cast off, staples out, and a new X-ray.  You can see the 15 staples in the X-ray.  Also notice the plate and 7 screws holding it all together.  It was
so good to be able to move my wrist... aww the simple things.  But, the range of motion in my hand and wrist are limited and there is some numbness in several areas.  There is also a little bit of swelling still. 

They put on some butterfly strips, I think to make it look better, and gave me a temporary splint which I can remove when resting and to take a shower. 
I am not to lift more than 3 to 5 pounds using my wrist.  I will continue exercises to work on movement in all directions.  The Dr. said that what I have been doing has helped and that if I continue, I won't need physical therapy.  (Good, I don't have the time or money for that anyway)  But, he said no strength work for 4 more weeks.  The bone has a long ways to go to heal.  I swiped Roni's vitamin E oil from the barn.  I have been putting it on his scar and will be using that for my superficial scar.  As for my mental healing... it will take time too.  I am still aggravated with myself for causing this accident to happen.  It would have been so simple to get down off the picnic table, reposition Roni, and carefully get on him.

A scrub + Vitamin E Oil

     The frigid windy air with no sunshine, was all it took Thursday to keep me confined to the house after school. I worked on this Blog and graded some papers.  I was feeling sorry for Joe and curious as to what he was up to, so wrapped up and headed out to the barn.  I was really cold to begin with, but once I started helping with chores I warmed up.  We are trying to winterize the corn crib and figure a way to keep the three groups separated (cows, Roni, and Amiga + Zorro) We want to be able to keep them outside but for each group to be able to get into shelter on cold winter days.

     Coming in and taking a hot shower (first one since my mishap) was simply wonderful.  I could wash my hair with both hands and give my buggered up arm a good scrubbing.  No holding one arm in a plastic bag on the edge of the bathtub!  Although the arm has some strange bumps, the scar looks much better.  You can see the vitamin E oil shinning on it above.

                                                                        Duck in the dark.

    We had parent/teacher conferences today, so it was a longer than normal work day.  I really enjoyed meeting the caring parents of so many of my students, but boy was I tired by the end of it.  When I got home at 4pm, I saw Roni grazing in the yard near the well head.  The gate to the field was wide open.  So I walked over towards him, carrying his halter.  He walked right up to me, I slipped on his halter and led him back into the pasture.  From the looks of hoof prints, he hadn't been out long or gone too far.  I'll have to have a talk with my "stable boy".  Joe was still at work at sun down, so I moved each horse into the barn and did all the evening chores except fill water buckets and hay feeders.  The ducks are always the last to go into the coop and I always have to wait till after dark for them.  Now that it is getting darker earlier, I can do this at the end of the evening chores.

Some good advice.

      I saw this posted on face book and thought it was fitting for me and my circumstances right now.  This is an idea I have tried to apply to my life every time the going gets rough.     


                                                  Candy! And festive fall table decor.

     Sometimes when God allows us to get knocked off our feet, and we are forced to sit and rest, we have a chance to see how out of balance our life was.  I have actually felt a little more relaxed about life now.  Before I felt an urgent need to ride Roni to keep him moving forward in his training.  There were times when I would have preferred to sit on my front porch and read... but I made myself get out and work with him.  I usually enjoy all my time with the horses.... unless they or the weather are being particularly uncooperative.  But the need to work with the horses and ride daily had kind of become obsessive.  I think I need to slow down on the riding some, and tend to other things in my life that are equally important.  There definitely needs to be a healthy balance.

A walk with the dog down a country road.
     Now with my free time I read more, brush and walk the dog, sit and watch TV with Joe, and putter around doing little things to help out around here.  I also have more time for my daily devotional.  I still can't lift much weight, clean stalls, or do things like dig and rake.  This too has given me more free time.... which is actually good because some things like washing my hair, writing and typing had taken twice as long.  Those tasks are getting easier though.

                                                         Arriving home again.

       I still hope and dream to have two rid-able horses and be able to take family and friends on little rides with them.  I have always wanted to be able to share the fortunate blessing I have of owning horses.  I sometimes wonder though, if this is in conflict with God's will.  I guess time will tell.  The more my line of communication is open and in tune to Him, the better I will be able to know.






The words to a good song
     I want to share this song (click on the picture) that thanks God for so much more than our daily blessings.  Rhema is probably currently my favorite Christian singer.  So much talent for such a young girl who has experienced so much pain when losing her Mom to cancer.  And such wise words for her to share.